You Ever Seen Dog Puke?

Forward:
This story is inspired by a true story. I don't know who it happened too or when or where it happened and I do not know the reason it happened, but I do know that it did happen. I saw it with my own eyes... on America's Funniest Home Videos. The sound was turned down a lot so I couldn't really hear everything that the people were saying but the video was so funny, I just had to write this story. So if you see the video that this story is about you can call me a plagiarist or whatever if you want. I don't care. I don't even know if this is considered plagiarism but I am just saying this so you won't think bad about me or anything. This story is not original. But I guess no story is original, it has to come from somewhere. Like actual events for instance. Any way this story is based on actual events.



April 24th, 2006
So yesterday, Grandpa called me up and asked me to come over to do a couple favors for him. I drove to his double-wide over in Springmont Heights, which is a few miles away from my lake house on Lake Fletcher.
He is obsessed with these guns that he owns. Most of the guns he owns are big ones like shotguns and rifles, but he has a few that are handguns. He loves going to the gun shows that we have in town twice a year. One of the gun shows is put on by some charity called the NRA. I don't really know what it stands for but Grandpa has a hat that says NRA and he never takes it off so they must be good people. They probably work with poor, starving children or something. The other gun show is just one that Grandpa's friend Mike Hamburg started. His nickname is Hamburger. Not many people, maybe a couple hundred, come to Hamburger's. The NRA fills the county fairgrounds completely. It is insane.
When I got there Grandpa wanted me to fix his new DVD player we got him for Christmas. We also go him a video camera that records straight on to DVD. He doesn't know how to use either of them yet and I don't think he ever will. The older you become the less connected with technology you become. It is weird, my brother, who is only two and a half can use the internet and he can't even talk in full sentences yet and my Grandpa, who has been here 73 and a half years more than my brother can't even work the TV. He wanted me to get out the video camera and I did. He went to his gun cabinet, unlocked it and took out a few guns. I tried to count all his guns but he has so many that I lost count. He sat in his La-Z-Boy and started fidgeting with one rifle. "Aight now boy," he calls me boy instead of my name, "ware gunna make a production here, ya see? I am gonna sit rat here and yeer gunna stand o'er next to that there table with the camerla." he also adds unnecessary letters, usually Ls into the end of words, like 'camerla' instead of camera, or 'chimley' instead of chimney. "This is for Hamburga's show and I ain't gunna be there on account of being bedridden from my hip surgrely next week. Hamburga said I could show off my guns on a video, so ware gunna make a production." I took the camera to the table and stood there facing him. I turned on the camera. "Now boy, I'm gunna count ta three, and then yeer gonna started recordin' me, kay?"
"Okay"
"Aight, 1...2...3! Action!" I started recording him after three and accidentally got him saying action on tape. He didn't say he was going to say action, but whatever. "Now this babe here is my precious Smith and Wesson Elite Series Gold Grade. She is a twunny gauge semiautomatic with a anglish style stock that is beautiflee hand carved..." Jerry, his pet beagle came and sat infront of his feet. You could tell Jerry wasn't feeling good. You know how dogs do when they are about to throw-up? How there belly starts to contract and they just sit there looking at the ground, probably thinking, 'please don't puke please don't puke please don't...' Well that was Jerry at that moment in time. I could tell that was about to barf so I put zoomed in on him so I could get it on tape. "Now boy, I'm up here! Don't look at the--," that's when Jerry let it out. I promise you have never seen so much dog puke. It had to be a gallon but it was so chunky that it was almost solid. It reminded me of fruitcake. "Aw, dammit Jerry! Aight now boy, go get a towel." I just sat there laughing. "Boy, don't make me tell yeer mama that you was being unobledient over here." I got the towel with one arm and kept the camera on Jerry. Grandpa wiped up the fruitcake and I finished recording him showing off his guns for Hamburger's gun show. There weren't any more chores to do so we talked a chatted for a while and I came home and made dinner.